Love is To Die For
by Alexex
Summary: I knew I wouldn't leave prison alive; and frankly, that's okay with me. I guess it's the price to pay for what I did. My name is Courtney Winters, and I murdered Duncan Evans. Because I loved him too much.
1. What is Love?

Hello my minions, guten tag and any other greeting that come to mind! Finally, deciding to start this… Another story! But it will not be humorous. Time to sharpen my angst and suspense abilities with my first completely dark, and melancholy story. _Love is To Die For._ Given Broken Strings has it's darker moments, but this will be the whole shebang. Hopefully. Enough with my droning and stupid monologue type thing, and onto hopefully another favourite.

Enjoy!

* * *

What is love?

Most would say it was a wonderful, magical emotion that made one who was lucky enough to feel it, feel as if they were walking on clouds.

Whoever said that, is on the verge of mental retardation.

Love is a useless, pointless, emotion and a fucking waste. Nothing more, nothing less.

But if it was so pointless, how could I have let myself fall into it over and over and over again?

Because I'm a stupid, hypocritical, bitch. A downright imbecilic, pathetic, duplicitous _bitch. _

She was right. I _knew _she was too, from the _very _moment the words formulated that fucking sentence. That one _fucking_ sentence which haunted my mind, body, and soul then, and to this very moment in time.

Damn her to hell, she was right. But I would let hell freeze over, melt, then fucking freeze over _again_ before I'd admit defeat to her virulent words!

Many have scrutinized me for my choices in life; my parents, my friends- or at least my former friends, and _them _to name a few.

Who the hell did they think they are? They _claimed _to have wanted to help me, but I was too smart to listen to their lies. _I _was a C.I.T., after all.

But now, I realize that I should've listened. This entire disarray could have been avoided, I wouldn't be here right now, and _he _would still be a-alive if I had only listened instead of sticking up my nose to their advice.

He'd be alive… It wouldn't have happened, all those countless nights wouldn't have happened, the whole fight wouldn't have happened, _we _wouldn't have happened.

But alas, he's gone, and never coming back. And it's my fault. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I can deny all I want, but at the end of the day, it doesn't change my situation.

Do I regret what we had? Do I regret what I _did? _Do I regret choosing him over the other? Sometimes. But regretting my actions will get me nowhere in life.

"Miss Courtney Winters, how do you plead?" asked the judge who sat before me.

I glanced around the courtroom, my expression dull and lifeless. I looked to the jury; every single one of them was glaring at me, with hard, malicious eyes. Even my former _friends _were glaring at me, meaning any effort was futile.

I kept my expression blank, despite the tears swelling up in my eyes, and turned to the w-witness. He was staring at me with saddened eyes, and pursed lips. We stared at each other for seconds, minutes, hours, I don't care. It'll probably be the last time I'll be able to stare into his gorgeous green eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but he sniffled and turned away from me, obviously too disgusted with me to say what he was going to say; can you blame him?

I've lost.

I'm a loser, scum, _worthless_. No better than my fucking mother.

"Guilty." I mumbled.

"I hereby sentence Courtney Winters to fifteen-twenty years of imprisonment for the second degree murder of Duncan Evans." Judge Mathews decreed, as I bowed my head down in not shame, but to avoid the eyes of the jury, and the eyes of _him. _I kept my eyes narrowed at my designer heels, as the courtroom erupted into hushed voices and whisperings about me. Whatever.

Before I knew it, an officer had cuffed me, and roughly grabbed my left arm. I winced as he had grabbed where one of my numerous bruises were, but I refused to cry out in pain. I bit my bottom lip almost to the point of drawing blood, and kept my narrowed eyes downcast as I was shoved out the courtroom, with my dumb lawyer Michael trailing behind us, jaw agape, I'm sure.

I bet he was thinking that I'd defend my case, and I could have too. I could have won that fucking case and been out of that damned place. But what's the point?

As soon as we exited the building, we were swarmed with news reporters, even a few I recognized like Josh and that harpy Blaineley O'Halloran.

"Courtney Winters, how could you murder your own boyfriend?"

"How does it feel to be going to jail, the one thing you despised about him most!"

"What happened! Didn't you love him?"

I ignored their stupid questions, and the stupid stinging feeling I felt in my chest.

I kept my mouth shut, my eyes down, and let myself get shoved down the path and towards the police cruiser. The officer opened the door, and shoved me in, while I glared at him with venomous eyes.

Whatever. I rested my head against the barred window, and closed my eyes and let a few tears escape them.

I knew I wouldn't leave prison alive; and frankly, that's okay with me. I guess it's the price to pay for what I did.

My name is Courtney Winters, and I murdered Duncan Evans.

Because I loved him too much.

* * *

Whoa, pretty heavy stuff, huh? Now that was just the prologue, and depending on how many reviews I get, I'll work on this more. Please review, favourite, and alert! Thank you for reading! I'll try and update regularly!


	2. Who is Duncan?

Sorry for the later update, I've been really busy and generally lazy. I'm surprised at how many reviews this got; thanks you guys! I got about 8 last chapter, let's try and aim for around 10 this time! …Pretty please?

On a serious note…the rating of this story might be bumped up to M, for excessive swearing, abuse, violence, and sexual themes. But don't worry, there will be **no lemons**. Cause I find them weird. And awkward.

Anyways… Enjoy!

* * *

Who is Duncan Evans? Or on a more precise testimony; who _was _Duncan Evans?

Well, many have had mixed feelings towards him. Including myself.

He was sweet, yet bitter. He was tranquil, yet lively. He was consoling, yet infuriating. He was my entire world, but I wasn't his. It was complicated.

He was complicated.

_I _was complicated.

_Life _was complicated.

The one thing that struck me most about him was his eyes. They were this shade of blue; almost teal, I believe. I thought they were absolutely gorgeous. Along with his muscular chest; it was perfectly chiseled, and mesmerizing like his eyes. Well his chest _was _perfect until I… I wont go into details. Not yet.

Duncan Evans was definitely more than meets the eye; underneath his rough exterior, if you looked deep, DEEP down… You could actually find a heart. But it was fickle. And I was only fooling myself to believe he was something besides horrible. But I cared for him anyways. For six fucking years.

Six years of forgotten anniversaries. Six _years _of paying our rent _on my own. _Six _long _years without once being told 'I love you.'

I could have left him. I could have left him the _moment_ that horrific event happened; but I didn't. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Because I loved him too much.

I loved how he could just shrug off yet another failing grade on a test. I loved the way he lived life on the edge, and never played it safe. He was danger. Everything I was not. Everything I _craved. _

Eventually, my craving turned into dependence. I became a spineless, lovesick, clingy moron. I was appalling. I accused him right and left of cheating on me; which now that I think about it, was probably just. I always knew _she _had her eyes set on Duncan, and wanted him for herself. That was probably why she said…that.

I hated her for that. I hated her with all my _might,_ no, my entire _entity._ I could even write you an entire essay on why I despised her _hair_. But I'll save that for later.

I wish I could go back so I could stop myself from digging myself into that damn hole. The one that eventually sealed my fate, Duncan's fate, and hopefully _his _fate too. Though hopefully, his will end up being a better ending. He deserves some happiness. I thought I did too, but apparently, fate had other plans. Oh well. Spending the rest of my life in solitude wouldn't be so bad. I spent most of my life alone, anyway.

My mother hated me. My father hated me. My so-called _friends _hated me. And now I realize, pretty much everyone hated me. And now, the select few who didn't probably do too. Who can blame them? How _could _I blame them; I was-_am _a monster. Hell, I even hate myself.

What happened to me? What made me become this…disgrace? I used to be so self-righteous, and filled with _pride. _I was on top of the world for a long, long time. But as the poet Robert Frost decreed…

_Nature's first green is gold_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf._

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay._

Nothing gold can stay, indeed. I tried so hard to please everyone in my life, and live up to impossible expectations; though those were mostly from my father.

But one day, I just snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I left without a single goodbye, and bought an apartment. I had more than enough savings to get me through to the end of the year until I went off to university; So why not?

My father forbid it, and threatened to have me killed if I ever returned. My mother was nowhere to be seen, as always, so once again, I had to do something myself. I simply told him to fuck himself, and walked out. I haven't seen, or heard from him since.

I bet he was fucking happy to finally have me out of his life, and not constantly ruining his 'fun nights' with a new slut each time? Ha, I'm surprised he didn't encounter my mother. What delicious irony _that_ would be. I'm pretty sure they were still married, but I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't.

My father had commitment issues, as well as my mother. What surprised me most was that my father and mother at least agreed to keep me after learning that I was to be conceived. To me, it didn't make any sense. If they both hate me, why didn't they just abort me? That, I guess, will be something I'll never know.

Though, I guess because he was the one to clothe me, feed me, and pay for numerous lessons and expensive private schools, my father did care to some extent. Even though he avoided me, and never failed to remind me about how much I ruined his life. He also never hesitated to pinch pennies, even though we were extremely well-off compared to most families.

What a pompous bastard. He was a selfish, selfish man, that cared more about money then oxygen, I bet. He definitely cared more about it than me. Of course he loved money. It's dirty. Filthy, smutty. That probably explains why he became enamored with my mother.

God I hate that woman. I despise her with the fiber of my being, and always will. I bet you're wondering how one can hate their own mother, huh? Let alone to the severe intensity I do.

Many said I was afraid to take risks, and that I was a tight ass. Well, mainly, Duncan said that. But don't get me wrong, lots of people liked to take quips at how much of a stuck-up bitch I was. Oh, how I proved _them _wrong after I finally cracked. And that, is where our story will begin.

Exactly eight years, seven months, and twelve days ago.

The day I gave into Duncan, and pushed all my problems and worries to the back of my mind.

The day everyone's fates…were sealed.

**Xxx0xxX**

I awoke to someone roughly shaking my bare shoulder, and pulling me out of my pure silk blankets. I shivered as my eyes fluttered open, and began to adjust to the darkness of my bedroom. I rubbed my eyes and let out a small yawn, before glaring at the intruder who dared to awake me from my dreamless slumber. Sure, it wasn't like I was dreaming of something important, but one tends to enjoy having peace when they sleep.

"Hurry and get your lazy ass up, you'll be late for school."

I rolled my eyes and scowled as I crossed my arms over my chest, to try and keep myself warm. Leave it to my cheapskate father to keep the thermostat at _absolute zero_ for as long as possible.

"Whatever." I huffed, brushing my way past him to go have a shower, but my father, not liking my attitude, grabbed my wrist and spun me around to face him.

I winced at how strong his grip on my wrist was, and whimpered slightly.

"You will _not _speak to me that way again, bitch. _Understood?_" He spat, his obsidian eyes filled with utmost hatred and harshness. I returned the glare, and tried to yank my right wrist free from his grasp. I wigged it around, but that only made my caramel skin become more irritated and red, and only anger my father further.

"Let _go,_ you're hurting me!" I screamed, trying to pull my wrist away once again.

"You, you spoiled brat, have no idea what hurt means! You want hurt? I'll show you hurt!" My father bellowed, raising his other hand to most likely whack me in the face. Wouldn't be surprising, it's happened countless times before.

But what had not happened before, is me fighting back. I grabbed his fist as it lowered towards my face, and bent it backwards. He hissed in pain and alarm, the hold on my wrist lessening to the extent of being able to free it. I freed my wrist and shoved my father backward, but him, being a relatively strong man, only stumbled back a few steps. I glared venomously at him and spun on my heel and crossed my lush lavender carpet towards my closet, where my packed suitcase rested.

Apprehension blanketed over both of us like rain clouds, as we remained silent. I opened my closet, and pulled out my large suitcase, and turned and glared at my father. I crossed my arms; my tank top no doubt was definitely getting wrinkled by how many times I did it.

His eyes of fire narrowed even more, and he crossed his arms as well.

"What the _hell_ is that for?" He growled, through gritted teeth.

"I'm leaving."

Time seemed to stop after I uttered that two-word sentence. My father was taken aback and my rash decision, and I was even shocked myself. I had planned it; I had even rented out an apartment near my school. But nonetheless, I couldn't believe I was moving out before university. It didn't seem right to me. But I had to get out before it was too late.

"Like hell you are! You can't leave! You're only sixteen!" He exclaimed.

I merely gazed at him with the same amount of cruelness he _always _stared at me with, and bit the inside of my cheek. I shrugged.

"It's obvious that you fancy me dead, or at the very least gone. So why not fulfill my _beloved_ father's wishes?" I replied, sarcasm oozing through each and every word.

My father was definitely the angriest then, than I have ever seen him in my entire life. And my father was without doubt, a very angry and short-tempered person. I guess I get that from him.

"Do you not know how much I work to get you the best of things, Courtney! I work fourteen fucking hours a day, to pay for your ungrateful ass, and this is how you repay me? You know what, fine! Leave! Like _I _care! I hated you anyway!" He shouted as I retreated towards the door.

"Don't worry, father dearest. The feeling is _mutual_." I hissed, reaching for the doorknob.

"You're going to hell, Courtney!" He yelled.

My grip on the doorknob tightened; to the point I thought there would be a permanent handprint.

"Go fuck yourself!" I screamed, storming through the elegant hallway, my bare feet making a slapping noise against the hardwood flooring, and my suitcase rolling along behind me. I carried it down the spiral staircase and put on my leather jacket, and grabbed the keys to my Lexus.

"You can forget about ever coming back here, because I disown you!" He shouted after me. I ignored him, and his threats to have me killed if I came back, and many other unpleasant comments. I held my chin up high, and left with any shred of dignity I could savage.

And never looked back.

* * *

That day went by in a humongous blur. I moved into the apartment, came to school at lunch, and ignored most of the wisecracks that came my way due to my lateness.

But that all changed once the final bell rang.

I was sitting front and centre, rapidly copying down the last of the notes Mr. Harrison had written on the board for the upcoming test. Which was on the law of electrons and electricity.

I sighed packing up my things, then ran a few fingers through my hair. As I stood up, and turned around, I bumped into _her._

My books flew out of my arms and slid across the floor.

Silence concealed us both, as we tensed. Onyx eyes met onyx eyes. Scowls met scowls.

I eyed her pale frame up and down, taking in her rather _out there_ attire. I found it incredibly tacky and ugly, but I bet she felt the same about mine. But seriously; fishnets in February? That is _definitely _not practical.

"Hey Courtney, I think you dropped something. I think it might be your _dignity._"

I felt my scowl strengthen as I resisted the urge to lunge at her right then and there. I hated her so much, and especially when she brought matters that involved my mother into things.

I am _nothing _like her, and if anyone thinks otherwise, they need to be taught a lesson.

"I wish you would stop comparing me to that…that… audacity to all things female." I snarled, kneeling down to collect my things. She snorted, and crossed her arms across her small chest, and rolled her eyes.

"Well… Like mother, like daughter." She said, her lips curling into a snide smile.

If I wasn't pissed before, that definitely would've set me off. I hastily stood up and glared viciously at her, hugging my books against my chest tightly.

"You know what? Go to hell, I don't need this shit." I grumbled, shoving my way past her and her dark aura that had the faint smell of alcohol and cigarettes, and seemed to cloud over her like the atmosphere before a storm. I ignored her when she gave me the finger and just focused on what was important.

I walked through the busy hallway, my books hugged to my chest and my gaze cast downwards. Once I reached my locker, I did the combination to unlock the door; 26, 31, 21, then opened the door. I started to put my things in their respective and organized spots, until I was brutally shoved against the wall of lockers by _her. _Once the haze and pain that shot through my body cleared, I sighed and wiped my eyes, a scowl upon my lips. I jammed the last of my books into the locker, and pulled out my satchel and swung it over my shoulder.

I tiredly began to head out towards my car, but…that couldn't be my car. There was someone else there.

They were casually leaning against the hood of _my expensive _car. They were dressed in loose, sagging, oversized clothes, a hood draped over their head blocking their face.

I sighed, not in the mood for shenanigans, and approached the stranger, placing my hands on my hips to try and look as a figure of higher authority. Which I was, no doubt; I was student council president, after all.

"Excuse me, hi, I'm Courtney and-" I began.

"Yeah, whatever, I know who you are, Princess." He growled back, shoving their hands into the pockets of their hoodie.

My eyes slowly narrowed into slits, when I recognized who it was.

"Ugh, Duncan, seriously, I am _not_ in the mood for this crap today." I scoffed, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms.

Duncan looked up, the everlasting arrogant smirk still dancing on his lips. I swear to God, sometimes I just wanted to punch that smirk right off of his face.

Duncan placed his hands on my waist, making me jump feeling uneasiness quickly start to take over my body. But before I knew what has happening, or even prevent it for that matter, I could feel myself start to relax into his touch, only making that damned smirk grow larger.

"Psh, you're never in the mood." He snorted, rolling his blue eyes. Shivers went down my spine as he snuck his hands under the fabric of my shirt, and began to rub small circles into my lower back, with his cold hands. He turned us around, so I was trapped between him and my car, his once vacant blue eyes clouded with lust. He leaned even closer than he already was; which mind you, was _really_ close.

Duncan's lip landed on my bare neck, making me wish I had remembered to put on a scarf that day, and began to suck and nip at it lightly, making my face begin to feel hot and my breath was starting to get slightly choppy.

"But I can change _all _of that, Princess…" He whispered, huskily. Duncan started to trail kiss up and down my neck, on my jaw line, and even too low for my liking.

I opened my mouth to protest this infraction of public displays of affection, but instead, a strangled, quiet moaning noise came out; a noise I was unaware I could even make. Duncan smirked against my neck, as I glared at him as my cheeks turned rosy pink. His hands traveled upwards, making my eyes become slightly wide. I opened my mouth once more, and started to try and push him away, really starting to feel uncomfortable with what was happening.

"Duncan…" I whimpered, trying to remove his roaming hands.

"Shh, shh…" He murmured, silencing me. The predominant smirk on his face, was replaced with an almost reassuring…smile, as he lifted me onto the hood of my car and sat me down, situating himself in between my legs; much to my discomfort, and barely audible pleasure.

Duncan gently placed one of his hands on my face, tilting it from it's previous position of staring at the ground and up so our eyes could meet. He began to stroke my hair, and let out a quiet chuckle.

"Why are you so scared of me, Princess? I don't bite. Much."

Once again his hands traveled around my body, and then, they landed on my lap. Duncan snuck his hands under my shirt and shivered because they were freezing. He pulled his hands out of my shirt, and wrapped his arms around me securely.

I didn't say a word.

"I know how broken you are, Princess. I know what happened this morning, and I know how much pain you are in. From everything."

I avoided his eyes at all costs, as mine flickered. "How do you know that- no ones supposed to anything about _anything._" I sneered.

"You'd be surprised at how much a seasoned criminal can find out with the right motivation." Duncan replied, his signature smirk retuning once more.

I could feel a few tears leaking out of my eyes and sliding down my cheeks, but I refused to cry. I swore to myself I would never do it again; and I was true to my word.

"I…can take away all of your pain, Princess…" He said, his voice lowered into a dangerous whisper. He cupped my face with more force than expected, making my eyes widen, and forced me to look him in the eye. My lips parted as his eyes peered into mine.

"Only a few simple words, and _all _your suffering will be gone… Don't you want that, Princess? Don't you think you deserve that? I certainly think you do." He cooed, beginning to gently rub my cheek with his thumb.

I remained silent. No words escaped my mouth; I seemed as hollow and lifeless as a statue. Quiet moments passed, as neither of us spoke. The only sound being the cold winter wind. I closed my eyes, and swallowed the lump in my throat, contemplating if this was the right choice.

No more pain. I would forget.

Everything.

"I…I… I don't want any more pain, Duncan. Take it a-all away." I croaked.

A smile-a _genuine _smile crept across _Duncan Evans _face; it shocked me, because it seemed as if me finally giving into him was a dream of his, finally being fulfilled.

"I swear, Princess. I will never, ever, let anyone hurt you ever again." He murmured, stroking my hair and rubbing my shoulder.

All I could do was swallow, and nod wordlessly back then, before he tentatively captured my lips on his, as if to show me underneath his rough exterior, he really _was _capable of being loving and gentle. His hands slowly made their way up my stomach, and onto my breasts as he began to rub them through the fabric of my bra; his lips never leaving mine.

Duncan soon slid his tongue into my mouth, swirling it around with mine as his fingers started to fumble with the hooks of my bra.

I knew I wasn't ready. I knew it with all my heart.

But I just wanted all that pain; all of that _damn _pain to just go away…

And Duncan was all I had to take it away.

But I should've known he was a skilled liar; aren't all criminals?

So that day, which everyone's fates were sealed…was also the day Duncan not only stole my heart, and virginity… But my trust too.

So who exactly is, Duncan, you ask?

To this day, I honestly still do not know.

* * *

And end of this chapter! Woah, that was intense and WAY more extreme than I thought it would be! I'm also sorry it took so long to update, I got a huge writers block, and not to mention I was incredibly busy with the musical. Hopefully another update won't take as long, but I make no promises unfortunately.

PLEASE REVIEW!


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